Japan's new first lady ...

Apparently was kidnapped by space aliens, taken to Venus (which she found to be very green, despite what astrophysicists might think), and brought back before she married the now-Prime Minister of Japan after last month's historic election.

I know this isn't quite something you would generally find on the BSS Report, but I didn't want to get into the Lights Out, "he said, she slurred" story, nor was I terribly interested in Oudin-o-mania or Danica Patrick's continued dalliance with NASCAR.

I suppose I could talk about The Ohio State University's near-loss to a bunch of seamen, but since USC is just going to crush them this week anyway, I'm not particularly thrilled about discussing their near loss when I can just wait a week to make a lot of fun of them in Brett's face.

So Japanese First Ladies it is. Also, don't punch people in the face.