SHAQ VERSUS

Reality TV has very little in common with real life, other than Shaquille O'Neal. That's right, ordinary ol' Shaq is taking on professional athletes in their respective spheres in a televised "reality series" on ABC. Here is a poster of Shaq with more reality than I can handle:



Irony aside, I expect this to be entertaining simply because of Shaq's massive egocharisma, and the chance to see athletes from less-popular sports in a relaxed setting. Without further ado, some of the potential match-ups, and some ideas for a second season.

SHAQ VERSUS: Michael Phelps
Sport: Swimming

According to USA Today, Shaq thinks he'll "excel" in the swimming portion. Although 7 foot 1, 330 lbs isn't an ideal body type for a swimmer, Shaq has been training in mixed-martial arts for 10 years, a sport that requires much more upper body conditioning and flexibility than basketball does. Based on his success in MMA and his remarkable overall athleticism for his size, I think Shaq could be the best 7 foot 1 swimmer in the world if he really wanted it. Too bad he's facing Michael Phelps, who is the best swimmer this world has ever seen. If they face off in the 100m freestyle, I expect Phelps to cruise in at 50 seconds, and Shaq to finish 30 seconds behind.

SHAQ VERSUS: Oscar De La Hoya
Sport: Boxing

As we've discussed, Shaq is really good at MMA, but can he take a punch? I doubt the Golden Boy will take this seriously at all, Shaq is not risking his contract for a show boxing match. The over/under here is at really really lame.

SHAQ VERSUS: Ben Roethlisberger
Sport: Football

How is this going to work? A skills challenge? 5 on 5? I have little idea how good Shaq will be at football, but given his inability to shoot free throws I'm a little nervous about his ability to throw an oblong shape consistently. He'll be better at receiver and line drills though, and there's always the 15% chance Pittsburgh's finest will suffer a concussion and concede, so however they set the line here I think Shaq will win.

SHAQ VERSUS: Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh
Sport: Beach volleyball

Sure they beat up on other girls, but come on now: Shaq could totally dominate these two, depending on who his partner is. If it's his new teammate LBJ23, king of anything involving a combination of speed, strength, and size, it won't even be close. Zydrunas Ilgauskas would be hilarious on a volleyball court, but still a good option. Anderson Varejao looks like he belongs on a beach, plus Brazilians are always solid in this sport. The small guys - Mo Williams, Delonte West, Daniel Gibson - are probably ideal, as most beach vball teams are composed of one tall player to block and a smaller quicker setter. The only poor option would be Wally Szczerbiak, who has well documented issues with the basketball skill known as "moving."

Some proposals for the inevitable second season:

Shaq versus...
Shawn Johnson in doing flips, and looking cute in a leotard
Chris Rock in standup
Bobby Flay in an Iron Chef match
Michelle Kwan in figure skating
Takeru Kobayashi in eating hot dogs
Martellus Bennett in tweeting/blogging
Charles Barkley in anything whatsoever