THE BSS REPORT

Pick Em Week 19

2012-01-10T19:21:00.001-05:00

Alan and the whole city of Pittsburgh felt the wrath of Tebow on Sunday. Only three remain...

Pick Em Week 18

2012-01-03T02:45:00.002-05:00

Pick Em is going to get a little more interesting now that the playoffs are here. First, you don't have to worry about picking the same team twice because either you or your pick will be eliminated each week. Second, there are only 4 games this weekend. Third, Alan took it upon himself to restrict his choices to the 6 teams that aren't the Lions or the Falcons. To make matters worse, these teams are both underdogs in their matchups. Everyone else is free to pick any of the 8 teams.

Pick Em Week 17

2011-12-28T03:15:00.003-05:00

Playoffs?! Who's talking about playoffs?! With Week 17 coming up, we have 4 players remaining. If more than one person survives this week, we start picking playoff teams, so don't bother saving up the Bucs or the Bills.

Brett Bucs Chiefs Colts Browns Vikings Rams
Kelsey Bucs Vikings Rams Colts Jaguars Browns
Alan Cards Jags Lions Redskins Bucs Falcons
Kate Chiefs Browns Colts Raiders Broncos Rams

Pick Em Week 16

2011-12-21T13:23:00.002-05:00

Last week saw full-scale carnage as Matt, Tanman, Casey, Lorrie, and Jimmy got sniped by surprise wins from the Colts, Chiefs, and Redskins. There are now only four remaining. Will it end before the playoffs?

Brett Bucs Chiefs Colts Browns Vikings
Kelsey Bucs Vikings Rams Colts Jaguars
Alan Cards Jags Lions Redskins Bucs
Kate Chiefs Browns Colts Raiders Broncos

Pick Em Week 15

2011-12-14T09:05:00.002-05:00

Chien picked the Giants for the second time, disqualifying himself. Regardless, the G-men handled their business and won the game anyway thanks to a great performance by the best Manning in the league (sorry Danieal).

Brett Bucs Chiefs Colts Browns
Lorrie Bucs Jags Colts Redskins
Kelsey Bucs Vikings Rams Colts
Casey Cards Vikings Colts Rams
Tanman Cards Fins Colts Vikings
Alan Cards Jags Lions Redskins
Matt Chiefs Vikings Rams Raiders
Jimmy Chiefs Bills Colts Browns
Kate Chiefs Browns Colts Raiders

Pick Em Week 14

2011-12-07T13:07:00.002-05:00

The only casualty of Pick Em this week is Vespe, who foolishly picked the Packers to lose. He managed to hedge his bets somewhat by picking himself in Meta-Pick Em, which he is consequently winning.

Brett Bucs Chiefs Colts
Lorrie Bucs Jags Colts
Kelsey Bucs Vikings Rams
Casey Cards Vikings Colts
Tanman Cards Fins Colts
Alan Cards Jags Lions
Matt Chiefs Vikings Rams
Jimmy Chiefs Bills Colts
Kate Chiefs Browns Colts
Chien Chiefs Giants Lions

Pick Em Week 13

2011-12-01T14:35:00.002-05:00

Lessons learned this week:
-The Packers are pretty good (I'm looking at you Stan)
-The Raiders are equal opportunity combine gawkers. They don't limit themselves to overdrafting physical freaks at wide receiver but are happy to extend that principle to kickers as well. However, the ability to kick a football a country mile correlates much more strongly with game situations than extremely low 40 times.

Brett Bucs Chiefs
Lorrie Bucs Jags
Kelsey Bucs Vikings
Vespe Panthers Chiefs
Casey Cards Vikings
Tanman Cards Fins
Alan Cards Jags
Matt Chiefs Vikings
Jimmy Chiefs Bills
Kate Chiefs Browns
Chien Chiefs Giants

Pick Em Week 12

2011-11-23T13:01:00.002-05:00

Much like youth soccer leagues: Everybody wins! Post your picks for Week 12 below.

Brett Bucs
Lorrie Bucs
Kelsey Bucs
Vespe Panthers
Stan Chiefs
Casey Cards
Tanman Cards
Alan Cards
Matt Chiefs
Jimmy Chiefs
Kate Chiefs
Iain Chiefs
Chien Chiefs

Pick Em Week 11: A New Season Begins!

2011-11-18T23:55:00.003-05:00

First of all, many congratulations to Iain for winning Pick Em 2011 v1.0!

Stan and Jimmy put up a strong fight for 10 weeks, but eventually they each got sniped by the Greatest Show on Paper East and West, respectively.

This week everyone's back in and the picks reset. Hooray!!! Let the games begin!

Pick Em Week 10

2011-11-09T12:18:00.002-05:00

Another week, another 3 survivors. This week could prove difficult as many of the matchups are close to even or potential landmines. Iain could be in the clear since he can still pick the Packers opponent (Vikings), but Stan and Jimmy are going to have to test the waters.

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Falcons Rams Vikings Dolphins Browns
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Panthers Rams Cardinals Browns Chargers
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos Jets Jaguars Rams Cardinals Browns

Pick Em Week 9

2011-11-02T22:44:00.002-04:00

Sunday started off poorly for Stan and Jimmy as the Dolphins and Cardinals put forth their best impressions of competent teams. Fortunately, both teams decided that only suckers play well in the second half and went on to fold like lawn chairs.

This week you have the choice of Miami, Washington, Indianapolis, or whoever is playing Green Bay (it's San Diego, not that it matters).

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Falcons Rams Vikings Dolphins
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Panthers Rams Cardinals Browns
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos Jets Jaguars Rams Cardinals

Week 8 Pick Em

2011-10-26T22:47:00.002-04:00

Finish this quote: "In Romo we trust..."

Also, Green Bay's going to continue their unbeaten streak, unfortunately not at anyone's expense as they are on a bye. The Colts and Dolphins do play, so there are appealing options out there.

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Falcons Rams Vikings
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Panthers Rams Cardinals
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos Jets Jaguars Rams

Pick Em Week 7

2011-10-20T20:46:00.002-04:00

Last week reminded us that there is no formula for losing the works quite as well as starting a young, struggling quarterback vs. a stud-Super Bowl-winning-potential-HOFer quarteback. This week should bring no different outcome as the Pack are scheduled to embarass the Vikings and their rookie quarterback. Also on the docket: Bresus and the Saints vs. the immortal Curtis Painter and the Colts; Flacco and the nasty Ravens D vs. poor Blaine Gabbert; Big Ben and the 6-time Super Bowl Champion Steelers vs. the woeful Cards.

For the rest of us waiting on the sideline, it's gonna be at least another week. Sigh.

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Falcons Rams
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Panthers Rams
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos Jets Jaguars

Pick Em Week 6

2011-10-15T13:36:00.002-04:00

The offensive juggernaut known as the Seattle Seahawks effectively channeled beast mode to overwhelm the Giants and Casey, Kelsey, and Tan. As I always say, if you can't immortalize your offensive strategy in grill form, then it's too complicated.

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Falcons
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos Panthers
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos Jets

Pick Em Week 5

2011-10-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

This week I have gotten several comments about the Dolphins current struggles and the prospect of them winning the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. Most of these people think that Luck is a great consolation prize; I, on the other hand, strongly believed that this should have been our plan from the get-go. Regardless of how the Dolphins got to this point, they have now moved all-in on the Suck for Luck challenge. The most damning evidence that they are no longer trying to win games is that they invited Trent Edwards for a workout. There are many imitators, but there is only one Captain Checkdown and the Dolphins want him as their QB. Aside from the fact that Andrew Luck has one more year of eligibility left and could forego the draft for another year, my biggest worry is that the NFL Competition Committee sees through the Dolphins thinly veiled attempt at tanking and penalizes them by revoking their first round pick next April.

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs Broncos
Casey Colts Panthers Chiefs Broncos
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs Broncos
Kelsey Vikings Chargers Colts Broncos
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts Broncos
Tan Dolphins Jags Chiefs Colts

Pick Em Week 4

2011-10-02T12:00:00.000-04:00

The townspeople awoke from their nightmare (i.e., the Chiefs and Colts putting in more than the usual college try) to find that Matt, Brett, Lorrie, and EY had fallen victim to the Bills and their high-flying attack led by Ryan Fitzpatrick-from-Harvard. While Harvard may not be a football powerhouse in the traditional sense, they excel at statistical analysis. Their most important finding was the re-discovery of the surprisingly tight correlation between winning and girth of facial hair. Of course, this fact was well known to all die hard fans, since it was one of the commandments brought down from the mount by Walter Camp when he convened with the football gods. Nonetheless, it is always comforting to known that statistics still work.

Dear Casey and the other Bills fan out there,

I realize that this video has appeared on this blog upwards of 3 times, but its impact has evolved considerably in the last few weeks. The Bills recent success may allow you to hear this song to appreciate the rough years that you have endured since Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas. However, I now listen to this clip with nostalgia. I feel myself wanting for the return of Trent Edwards to the Bills, thus dashing all hopes of throwing past the first down marker.

Sincerely,
Brett

Stan Colts Seahawks Chiefs
Casey Colts Panthers Chiefs
Iain Cowboys Seahawks Chiefs
Kelsey Vikings Chargers Colts
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks Colts
Tan Dolphins Jags Chiefs
Miguel Dolphins Seahawks Colts

Pick Em Week 3

2011-09-25T12:22:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the super late notice, but past picks are listed below. And a picture of David Nelson (that's for you Casey). Kelsey, I'm still confused about McCown and McNown, so the Jags took pity on me and anyone who has to watch them play by choosing to go with Gabbert.

Brett Vikings Jags
Stan Colts Seahawks
Casey Colts Panthers
Iain Cowboys Seahawks
Matt Colts Seahawks
Kelsey Vikings Chargers
Jimmy Vikings Seahawks
Lorrie Colts Panthers
Tan Dolphins Jags
Miguel Dolphins Seahawks

Pick Em Week 2

2011-09-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

Now that we're back in season, we can resume the mafia-style recaps.

In the morning, the townspeople awoke to find Vespe, Alan, and Kate had been slain by the seemingly hapless Jags. Jacksonville boldly released their starting quarterback a week before the season started, so that the Titans would be unprepared for their true leader, McNown. Experts are still debating which McNown brother actually suited up for the Jaguars, but what we do know is that this rarely used ploy worked to perfection on the actually hapless Titans. In more shocking news, the first thing that google returned when I searched for "Cade McNown" was "Cade McNown Wife" and this picture of his former girlfriend Ms. Brande Roderick:

When people talk about out-kicking your coverage, it doesn't get any worse than a putrid NFL QB stealing a Playmate of the Year from Hugh Hefner.

It also turns out that the Redskins aren't as bad as we thought. Sorry Alan.

Past picks:

Brett Vikings
Stan Colts
Casey Colts
Brian Dolphins
Iain Cowboys
Matt Colts
Phil Vikings
Kelsey Vikings
JC Vikings
EY Vikings
Lorrie Colts
Tan Dolphins

So You Think You Can Dance Mike Tolbert?

2011-09-18T08:57:00.000-04:00

Pick Em Week 1

2011-09-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

Football is back, which means that we have a new bunch of losers to root for. This year, however, will be a little different because the more hapless a team is, the better its shot at winning the "Suck for Luck" lottery. For those of you that are now thinking about a leprechaun getting serviced, please get your mind out of the gutter because I'm talking about is the right to draft the consensus number one overall pick in next year's draft: Andrew Luck. The only knock on him was that he couldn't win when it mattered most. He promptly silenced his critics by growing this playoff beard...over a long weekend. If that piece of facial hair doesn't scream first-ballot Hall of Famer, then nothing will.

That being said, let the games begin!

Rules:
For those that are new: pick a team to LOSE each week without repeating teams throughout the course of the season. If your team wins, then you're out. You can choose anytime before kickoff of the game that you are picking. Leave your pick as a comment to this post.

Your entire offensive line sucks, TCU

2011-09-09T12:02:00.000-04:00

I've missed you guys. Seems like the TCU offensive line missed the entire preseason where they learn not to move until the center snaps the ball:

NFL Preview

2011-09-08T20:14:00.002-04:00

Bill Barnwell, formerly of Football Oustiders, has written a truly insightful preview for the NFL season. He's now with Grantland, the manchild of a website born from the might of ESPN and nurtured to fruition in the creative womb of Bill Simmons. This collection of articles (yes, it is four parts) has the quantitative firepower of Football Outsiders paired with the wit of Simmons. Enjoy:

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV

NBA Playbook: Post Player Rankings

2011-08-08T21:59:00.009-04:00

Sebastian Pruiti is the Greg Cosell of the NBA, or maybe I should say Cosell is the Pruiti of the NFL, since Cosell posts snippets on Twitter while Pruiti writes detailed video-illustrated blogs like this one. Spoilers: there are no Lakers players on the list, and LeBron James, or He-Who-Must-Develop-a-Post-Game, is in the top 5!

Previously on NBA Playbook: Pick and Roll Rankings

Field of Dreams 2: NFL Lockout

2011-07-10T10:22:00.001-04:00

Field of Dreams 2: NFL Lockout with Taylor Lautner from Taylor Lautner

Friday Afternoon Mini-Playlist

2011-06-10T16:27:00.005-04:00

What's up for the weekend?

1. J. Cole - How High
2. The Beatles - Come Together (David Starfire remix)
3. Friendly Fires - Jump In the Pool

Come Together-Beatles (David Starfire Remix) by davidstarfire

You trippin'

2011-06-07T01:06:00.000-04:00

Kobe Byrant's Post Game Meltdown

Friday, Friday

2011-04-29T16:21:00.000-04:00

Poker Sites Under Fire

2011-04-15T18:46:00.002-04:00

The US government is crashing down hard on PokerStars, Full Tilt, and Absolute Poker. Ouch.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/poker/news/story?id=6362238

Trick Shot Doc

2011-04-12T18:57:00.001-04:00

Trick Shot Doc aka And1 mixtape Vol. 18 courtesy of Slate.

HT HuffPo

Man Spends 20 Years Looking For The Perfect Wave, Finds It, Kinda

2011-04-10T23:14:00.006-04:00

"This was our biggest score in twenty years of exploring," says Tom Curren, a former three-time world surfing champion who has been roaming the world's coastlines scouring for the proverbial perfect wave ever since winning his last world title in 1990. Because the soft-spoken champ has never been one to boast, his stories of this new spot called Seven Ghosts (named after the nearest jungle village) has his fans reeling."

Also, the author describes the wave as "coffee-colored." That kinda sounds like regular old muddy water to me, unless Indonesia has actually invented espresso surfing.

Happy April 2nd!

2011-04-02T16:04:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone's April Fool's Day included such infused randomness as a piece of tape under the optical sensor on their mouse, but for those that did not have the joy of figuring out why their cursor would not move, please read this gem of a Football Outsiders article from April 1, 2009:

http://www.footballoutsiders.com/stat-analysis/2009/re-evaluating-running-back-metrics

Qatar's cooling clouds for the World Cup

2011-03-23T16:21:00.001-04:00

Fake remote control clouds for the World Cup to help address concerns that the open-air stadiums in a country that gets to 100+ degrees in July might kill some athletes:

Brilliant? Or incredibly sneaky precursor to an alien invasion?

New York was quite cool too ... until the aliens unleashed holy hell on the Empire State Building.

I'm going to take your dunk home and feed it to my dog

2011-03-23T13:52:00.002-04:00

Because, Wesley Matthews, you're gonna need something stronger against this MAN.

How do we know Shawn Bradley sucked?

2011-03-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

He couldn't even register a single positive stat against the Looney Tunes in Space Jam!! Check out the wonderful hoop statistic recap of the movie here.

For more Shawn Bradley awesomeness - top 10 dunks on Shawn Bradley:

Lyrical smackdown of the week

2011-03-20T15:02:00.002-04:00

Proving conclusively that when Tiger Moms make you practice music, they make you do it RIGHT so that when you grow up and you go to college and some white kid makes fun of your language, you can give it back - in song form.

Friday, Friday

2011-03-18T19:36:00.000-04:00

If you haven't yet experienced the singing/songwriting of Rebecca Black, here you go.

Three Cheers for people named Stan!

2011-03-07T17:20:00.000-05:00

Yup, this will hopefully boost searches for people named Stan who are also awesome, much like my favorite Stan below. Yeah, he looks like a porn star in a turtleneck, but whatever.

Reason for his awesomeness? Sticking his neck out for the league leader in technicals while also potentially earning a retaliatory one for himself should David Stern get wind of these comments when asked about whether he has talked to the league office about the number of hits on Howard that don't get called:

“This is the system David Stern and his minions like it,” Van Gundy said. “So that’s the system you have…I certainly can’t have an opinion because David Stern, like a lot or leaders we’ve seen in this world lately, don’t really tolerate other people’s opinion or free speech or anything. So I’m not really allowed to have an opinion. So it’s up to him. He decides and he likes the system he has.”

Stick it to the man, SVG!

#Libya

2011-02-25T00:48:00.004-05:00

via faineemae

PRI: “It’s a massacre here,” a Libyan protester named Ahmed told Here and Now. “This hasn’t happened since the days of Rwanda… It’s as bad as that. People are being gunned down, machine guns… They’re using anti-aircraft missiles, they’re using the strong bullets that are going right through walls.”

He remains resolute, though. “We want freedom. The Libyan youth has spoken, everyone in Libya has spoken. And they’re willing to give up their lives for the sake of freedom.”

Just in case the possibility of an NFL lockout is getting you down.

Knicks land Carmelo

2011-02-21T22:45:00.000-05:00

Dammit, New York.

The funny thing is that I didn't even like the Anthony deal that much for New Jersey - it's a terrible win-now deal since Anthony's not carrying this team to anything close to a championship winner, and Denver was insisting that we mortgage the future by giving up a crapload of picks, our first round pick from this year, our cap space, and Devin Harris. But since we gave up the moral high ground by going back into the deal with our tails between our legs, the fact that we now have nothing to show for it just looks worse. Prokhorov, Russian Mark Cuban you are not.

Fun offseason football challenges

2011-02-09T13:28:00.001-05:00

Starring the third-string QB of Brett's third(?)-favorite educational institution, the University of Connecticut!

"Why would Aaron Rodgers want a car? He can't put that around his waist."

2011-02-06T23:12:00.002-05:00

So said one of the Milkshake's friends before Clay Matthews, once again, swoops in to save the day, this time with a personal gift to Aaron Rodgers as he's up there celebrating his Super Bowl MVP trophy:

Pick Em Super Bowl Round

2011-02-03T23:34:00.003-05:00

Last week, Steve Tan went against his own good judgment and chose the Bears knowing that they were not the pick for near glory. However, he was rewarded with a matchup for the ages: Brett vs. Lorrie II. In a rematch of the Fantasy Football semi-final round, yours truly will attempt to avenge that previous loss with a win in the Big Game (notice how I didn't not say that it is a more IMPORTANT game). For those who don't know, Lorrie hails from the mean streets of Pittsburgh and will be waving her Terrible Towel all night long.

On the other hand, I have been pulling for the Packers, just to get more chances to watch a master hone his craft. Of course I am referring to the stellar play of Aaron Rodgers. He's part poet, part surgeon, all sniper and I am eagerly anticipating his brutally artful aerial attack this Sunday.

Note to the Steelers: don't do this

unless you want to see this

Predictions:

Lorrie: Pack to lose

Brett: No parade in Steeltown this year

DeSean Jackson, heartwarming story of the day

2011-02-03T18:02:00.000-05:00

If someone told me at the beginning of the year, that I would put DeSean Jackson and heartwarming in the same sentence this year on the BSS Report, and mean it, I'd probably give some good odds on that NOT happening. After all, this is the same guy who made the "brilliant" pitbull joke after the Redskins game a couple of weeks ago when Vick just straight up torched them. Whoda thought he'd care about anything outside of making the rest of the NFC East look foolish? Proof here, here, and (sigh) here.

But then I would have owed someone a good deal of money. This is worth a watch.

It's my birthday, I can do what I want

2011-01-31T23:26:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me!!! Thank you, New Jersey for such a thoughtful birthday present - a thrashing of Carmelo and the Nuggets to remind him what he's missing out.

Also today I found the perfect picture to sum up my college years:

The book potentially looks awesome too.

Pick Em Championship Round

2011-01-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

9 entered, 3 emerged.

After a crazy wildcard round, the divisional round wasn't much kinder with the Jets taking down the heavily-favored Pats. While the Pats lost by the least, the Ravens also lost by 7, so the 3 people that had faith in the Steelers squeaking out a close one advance.

Brett

Tanman

Lorrie

Pick the team that is going to lose by the least.

NYT: Video Games Less Fun Than Advertised, Especially FIFA 2011

2011-01-19T19:07:00.004-05:00

Video Games and the Depressed Teenager [NYT]

A bonus point for a legit apology

2011-01-19T17:39:00.000-05:00

It's a bit odd that anyone needs to give credit when someone makes a proper apology, but given a history of non-apology apologies floating around in the sports world like so many jellyfish,

it's refreshing to hear a man take his medicine like a man. So bonus point of the week goes to Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk, apologizing for jumping to conclusions after his cancer patient hit piece on Aaron "Brett who?" Rodgers came out shortly after the demolition of the Falcons last week.

Everyone else should endeavour to be a little bit more like Mike.

So this is how Andy Reid learned to train quarterbacks

2011-01-16T14:21:00.002-05:00

So cute!! As cute as a big kid can be chucking a football downfield

Pick Em Divisional Round

2011-01-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

OK Pick Em Take 2. After no one correctly picked the Colts last weekend, we are blessed with a full restart. As with last week, the rules are:

Each week, you must pick the team to lose by the least. To put it another way, you are trying to pick the loser of the closest game this weekend. If two or more teams lose by the same amount, then people who picked those teams will advance (ties go to the runner). Obviously, that team will be out if you move on, so no worries about having to pick the same team twice. If anyone makes it to the Super Bowl, then the Super Bowl Round will be determined by the person who best predicts the loser's point total (Price is Right rules: the closest number without going over). Tie breaker in the Super Bowl will be to guess the total number of yards surrendered by the losing team (Price is Right rules apply here too).

Again, pick the team that will lose in the closest game this week. I'll reiterate Super Bowl rules if anyone makes it that far.

Let the games begin!...again.

So many feet

2011-01-14T20:38:00.000-05:00

So the Boston metro is this free newspaper that I pick up on the way to work for the last couple of weeks - it makes a 45 minute commute fairly entertaining. Although, today, I snorted coffee through my nose.

It's not like it's subtle or anything. And I'm sure Rex loved it. SO MANY FEET.

It's been a good week for Buffalo cast-off running backs

2011-01-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

In reverse order,

Willis McGahee doing the tomahawk to close out the decapitation of the Chiefs:

But of course, even better, the heathen BEAST MODE unleashed upon the Saints to ice that game, complete with optional theme music!!

Now if we only got to hear about the good news from Bills castoff #3 and his family ...

Eh, close enough:

Pick Em Wildcard Round

2011-01-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

Playoff Pick Em is upon us. We're going to try out a new system here because of the limited number of games. Each week, you must pick the team to lose by the least. To put it another way, you are trying to pick the loser of the closest game this weekend. If two or more teams lose by the same amount, then people who picked those teams will advance (ties go to the runner). Obviously, that team will be out if you move on, so no worries about having to pick the same team twice. If anyone makes it to the Super Bowl, then the Super Bowl Round will be determined by the person who best predicts the loser's point total (Price is Right rules: the closest number without going over). Tie breaker in the Super Bowl will be to guess the total number of yards surrendered by the losing team (Price is Right rules apply here too).

Again, pick the team that will lose in the closest game this week. I'll reiterate Super Bowl rules if anyone makes it that far.

Let the games begin!

It's Friday Afternoon Music Video Time

2011-01-07T15:00:00.002-05:00

New Lupe Fiasco: "The Show Goes On," from his March 2011 album Lasers.

Enjoy the weekend all.

The Miami Heatles

2011-01-06T14:49:00.002-05:00

TrueHoop wonders, "If the Heat aren't the Beatles, then who?"

It's something of a manufactured piece - after all, writing about the Miami Heat these days is automatic SEO (LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James LeBron James) - but I did like J.A. Adande's comparison of the Heat to "Swagger Like Us."

Tiger Woods now looks like a yellow flag

2011-01-06T07:27:00.000-05:00

Or so EA Sports, the producer of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2012 would have you believe:

Who would have thought that cheating on your supermodel Swedish nanny wife would ultimately lead you to getting dropped from the cover of your own video game?!?! It's all right, Tiger, it's just a picture, but if you don't get your game together soon, EA might decide to mess with your gameplay ratings. And then all hell would break loose.

Best 2010 Sports GIFs

2011-01-04T14:16:00.002-05:00

Excellent work, SBNation.

Women Laughing Alone with Salad [is not sexy]

2011-01-03T16:30:00.005-05:00

Women laughing alone with salad is the meme of the day. And according to sources, it is not sexy.

Well that's a shame. Maybe the meme needs some work. In the meantime, here's Gisele Bundchen eating pizza.

Here's Marisa Miller cooking spaghetti.

This is just Bar Rafaeli. And a glass of high fructose corn syrup.

And here's Kim Kardashian alone with a burger.

Blake Griffin Throws Down (Again)

2011-01-03T14:08:00.007-05:00

Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. This edition produced by Baron Davis, with cameo by Josh Smith and the Hawks! Which should totally be their band name.

Hero Fold

2010-12-30T22:34:00.005-05:00

This is the first and only Enrique Iglesias clip we will ever post. Now that that's out of the way - is Enrique a good poker player?

Meet Joe Webb

2010-12-29T00:34:00.006-05:00

Not only did he dismantle the Vick-led Eagles tonight, but at last summer's NFL combine, he did this:

There will always be some yahoo who wants more Brett Favre but if I'm Minny I'm rolling with Webb.

Pick Em Week 16

2010-12-26T12:00:00.001-05:00

As dawn broke, the townspeople awoke to find a dead Chien laying in the surf. He was wearing the recently banned Speedo Fastskin suit, leading detectives to believe that the murderer may be connected to FINA, the ominous, all-powerful world-wide governing body of international swimming. The investigation led the detectives to Buffalo, where the trail went cold. After several months of dead ends, an anonymous tip led police to Ralph Wilson Stadium, where they interviewed the QB of the illustrious Buffalo Bills, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzpatrick, an up-and-coming gunslinger in the NFL, denied involvement in the murder, but the detectives had their suspicions. After a thorough background check, they discovered that he had honed his craft at an elite technical school in Boston.

This discovery immediately established motive for the killing as Fitzpatrick and Chien were at the forefront of an intense rivalry between their respective alma maters. Authorities apprehended Fitzpatrick, but not before he went on another 4 TD spree. Chien is survived by his fzyktn.

(Ed. note: The BSS Report is not responsible for anyone puking in the back of their mouth due to the second photo.)

Also, it has been brought to my attention that Iain picked the Bengals to lose in Weeks 12 and 14, which is understandable but against the rules. Sorry Iain, but you're disqualified.

Jess, I appreciate your honesty in admitting defeat. It's too bad that Andre's beatdown of Innegan in the first matchup couldn't count for two wins.

And then there were 5 little piggies:

Vespe MIN BUF DET CIN SEA

Tanman CAR BUF SF CIN GB

Alan CAR BUF SF STL GB
Casey CAR DET CIN HOU SEA
Danny DEN CIN SF CAR GB

Some Christmas music featuring Blake Lively and Jessica Alba

2010-12-25T20:10:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Brought to you by the proud gentlemen of the BSS Report

Just In Time

2010-12-22T14:51:00.004-05:00

Looking for a last minute gift that combines your love of sports with your spiritual side? Look no further.

HT: The Score

D-Wade Wants a Trade

2010-12-22T12:15:00.005-05:00

New Spike Lee ad for T-Mobile. Sick tie and pocket square combo.

Touchdown Eagles

2010-12-20T01:40:00.005-05:00

Even Joe Buck couldn't believe it, and we all know that it takes a nuclear meltdown to excite that guy.

Pick Em Week 15

2010-12-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

The townspeople awoke to find that this past night included lots of tripping (and not of the acid variety). The Jets organization revealed their true colors in a despicable incident involving Sal Alosi, a Jets strength and conditioning coach, tripping Nolan Carroll, a Dolphins player, on the sideline during a Miami punt. In spite of their underhanded tactics, the Jets managed to outsuck the Dolphins, which proved to be a tough assignment since Miami was only able to muster 131 yards of total offense. Ironically, it was the Dolphins that tripped up Phil in Pick Em and he will be joing the rest of us on the bench for the rest of the season.

Unfortunately, Phil was not the only casualty of the night. The Packers marched into Ford Field with high hopes as emerging the NFC North leaders. However, any possibility of that outcome vanished in a hurry when Green Bay's stud sniper of a QB sustained a concussion and left the game. It would be sufficient to say that Green Bay put all of their eggs in one basket whose name is Rodgers and not Flynn. Atu also put all of his eggs in the Rodgers basket and the Lions managed to crack all of Atu's eggs and Rodgers' skull in one fell swoop.

Finally, there are no bye weeks in Pick Em, so Wonchon's Week 13 vacation qualifies him for the permanent kind of vacation.

Vespe MIN BUF DET CIN

Chien CAR CIN SF STL
Tanman CAR BUF SF CIN
Kimball CAR DAL BUF SEA

Alan CAR BUF SF STL
Casey CAR DET CIN HOU
Iain CAR CIN WAS CIN
Danny DEN CIN SF CAR

The Dolphin is down! The Dolphin is DOWN

2010-12-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Since the NFL won't let us use their video to show just what happened on that fateful sideline this past weekend (although Brett's screen capture is quite good), we will be providing alternate video in the form of the Rachel Maddow Show's "today in cheating":

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Your Thursday Swimsuit Update

2010-12-16T12:06:00.002-05:00

Remember those high tech suits that resulted in approximately 49,219 world records getting broken? Well the ban went into effect this year, and to date, only 1 record has been broken.

OH SHIT Active Camo

2010-12-14T23:27:00.002-05:00

Courtesy of a hacked Kinect

No reason, except it's finals

2010-12-13T22:44:00.002-05:00

As my friend James put it, what is he doing down there?!

Pick Em Week 14

2010-12-12T12:00:00.003-05:00

The Football Gods are jealous creatures and do not take kindly to those who claim to be able to predict football results. Thus it is not surprising that took exception to Karlin's hubris by powering the Raiders to victory against a talented but victory-averse Chargers squad. While they felt the need to take him down a notch, they did not expect the large numbers of civilian casualties (Mari-e, Kate, Matt, and Brett) that resulted. Diplomatic cables released by WikiLeaks have confirmed that the Football Gods regret the collateral damage from Oakland's victory. The cables also mentioned that the BCS selection committee is having an extra-marital affair with the commissioner of the Big East. However, that relationship is currently on the rocks since the best that the Big East could offer in return was a mediocre Connecticut team. In an effort to spice things up, the Big East has received some TCU-sized implants.

Chien CAR CIN SF
Tanman CAR BUF SF
Kimball CAR DAL BUF
Vespe MIN BUF DET
Phil ARI WAS DET
Alan CAR BUF SF
Casey CAR DET CIN
Iain CAR CIN WAS
Atu CAR CIN HOU
Wonchon IND BUF
Danny DEN CIN SF

Pick Em Week 13

2010-12-05T12:00:00.001-05:00

During the night Jess Kimball found herself on the brink of death. She was severely bleeding and would not last the night. Luckily, her knight in shining armor, Roy E. Williams, came to her rescue. Eternally thankful for his services, she proposed to him on the spot. Unfortunately for him, he fumbled that too.

Brett SEA CIN
Chien CAR CIN
Tanman CAR BUF
Kimball CAR DAL
Vespe MIN BUF
Phil ARI WAS
Alan CAR BUF
Casey CAR DET
Iain CAR CIN
Atu CAR CIN
Matt CAR TB
Wonchon IND BUF
Kate SEA BUF
Mari-e DET BUF
Danny DEN CIN
Karlin DEN DET

Kim Kardashian, meet The Hump

2010-11-29T19:00:00.001-05:00

I missed out on the Cortland Finnegan stuff because I was too busy wondering whether or not Kim Kardashian was actually taking her talents to the Jersey Shore.

Who is this man the people of the Swamp dub the Hump? Video below:

More Hump blocks:

Posterized!

2010-11-29T13:26:00.002-05:00

To borrow a term from basketball, Cortland Finnegan, you just got posterized!

Wale - Mike Tomlin [Theme Song]

2010-11-28T23:47:00.005-05:00

This is a Wiz Khalifa remix by Wale, in which we learn the Steelers' HC is an "acappello kind of fellow, black and yellow," and that Wale has some sweet flow.

This Week in Techniques for Beating the Tar Out of Cortland Finnegan

2010-11-28T22:17:00.003-05:00

If you haven't seen the video of Andre Johnson going all Pacquiao on Cortland Finnegan, then please do yourself a favor:

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/09000d5d81c795af/Johnson-Finnegan-ejected-for-brawl

Dear Mr. Finnegan,

Don't pick a fight with someone who shares a nickname with this guy:

Has public opinion ever been so much in favor of one player pulling off the helmet of another player and then punching him in the face 3 times?

Andre Johnson Proves To Everyone That He's Bigger, Stronger, More of a Man Than That Pesky Cornerback On The Other Team

2010-11-28T21:38:00.015-05:00

Back in September, Titan cornerback Cortland Finnegan told everyone he wanted to take Hines Ward's unofficial title of dirtiest player in the league, and he wasn't kidding. He handchecked, pressed, held, and facemasked his way under the skin of Andre Johnson and promptly got the shit beaten out of him. Both players were ejected. Video below. Seriously guys, you are both so dumb. You are both really dumb. This is a real sport, not the NHL.

(Full Video)

Turkey Week Edition of Pick Em

2010-11-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

The townspeople awoke from the night to learn of a terrible accidents. On the train ride back from Harvard--Yale, two friends made a friendly wager about train-jumping techniques. Both were quite experienced, one with actual experience in premature train disembarcation and the other was classically trained as a gymnast. However, in their quest to shave a dozen seconds off the commute, both Stan and Kristen fell victim to the unrelenting concrete of Union Station.

Brett SEA
Chien CAR
Tanman CAR
Kimball CAR
Vespe MIN
Phil ARI
Alan CAR
Casey CAR
Iain CAR
Atu CAR
Matt CAR
Wonchon IND
Kate SEA
Mari-e DET
Danny DEN
Karlin DEN

Flip Cup, or, when J41 failed to protect this house

2010-11-24T00:21:00.000-05:00

Round 1, domination

Round 2, Taylor Swift Love Story of the Week

This is Blake Griffin's Rack, Ya See

2010-11-23T20:56:00.007-05:00

Oh my, but this is a sorry sight for Knicks fans. Any one of these three dunks on its own is reason enough to mortgage MSG for Melo.

Pick Em Week 11

2010-11-21T12:00:00.001-05:00

New Pick Em This Week!!!

Everyone starts fresh this week.

Congrats to Steve for winning a hotly contested first installment of Pick Em 2010.

Stapler Resents Comparison to Chris Bosh

2010-11-17T11:25:00.006-05:00

Not even the most broken, unhappy stapler would fake injury and demand a trade. Via TBJ.

And the first "too soon" Michael Vick joke of the season

2010-11-16T21:47:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Shutdown Corner's MJD.

First, DeSean Jackson sets the stage:

"The pregame altercation got us going. It had us ready. We came back into the locker room pumped," Jackson said, via the AP. "We were like pit bulls, ready to get out of the cage."

Oops. Do you remember why your team got Mike Vick for cheap, Mr. Jackson? Then, MJD responds:

"See, DeSean, it's just wrong to say that the Eagles were like pit bulls. It's wrong because the Redskins were the team that was more like pit bulls, because Michael Vick killed them."

OUCH.

Editor's update - that quote has been taken down!!! I guess someone got a little sensitive with the backlash. ...

"At least the chick actually named a Spur"

2010-11-16T21:42:00.003-05:00

See comments under the youtube link. This is the second reason why I don't watch Jeopardy anymore. Every other episode is like a College Championships round.

I've fallen, and I can't get up

2010-11-16T14:34:00.008-05:00

From last night's MNF game, here's a GIF someone made of Albert Haynesworth. Redskins faithful, your 2010 defense.

Sometimes a brother just needs Life Call.

Pick Em Week 10

2010-11-14T12:00:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow marks the start of Thursday Night NFL games, and the Big 3 keep going strong. I'm going to post this today even though it is highly unlikely that anyone wants a part of the Balitmore--Atlanta game.

In the Pick Em Pick Em contest, sc has already lost.

In the Pick Em Pick Em Pick Em contest, I'm going with sc to lose...again.

Tanman: Raiders 49ers Browns Panthers Bills Lions Jaguars Vikings Seahawks

Casey: Raiders Bills Panthers Lions 49ers Browns Cowboys Vikings Seahawks

Karlin: Raiders Bills Bucs 49ers Broncos Browns Chargers Panthers Lions

Bristol Palin: Queen of Winter (Hats)

2010-11-11T19:57:00.009-05:00

Phallic imagery not intended. Maybe.

Direct from Anchorage, Alaska... this band Static Cycle's sound is tiresome - think Hoobastank or 3 Doors Down but with even more pained vocal affectations, but don't tell me you wouldn't watch a music video featuring Bristol Palin melting Blackberries and modeling for Pravda.

Trick Play Fail

2010-11-10T10:30:00.001-05:00

Are we playing football? Or gymnastics?

Polish Soccer Antics

2010-11-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

How does one say "Do a barrel roll!" in Polish?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijd87x4v87g

Best acting job in sports that doesn't resemble a dying seal

2010-11-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

Middle school football trick play - QB complains that the ref had mismarked the line of scrimmage and demands that his center give him the ball so that he can mark it himself. Apparently, the sideways snap is still legal in middle school football. Check it out:

Props to #19 who sniffs it out and makes the QB all of a sudden start running.

And then one of the comments made me cry:

royfan77

36 minutes ago

yellow team looks like the DALLAS COWBOYS

Wheel of Fortune BLITZKRIEG

2010-11-08T20:11:00.000-05:00

Can you solve this? R, and only R, has been taken off the board.

If you can't, watch Caitlin ship it and win the admiration of Pat Sajak after she stuns him with a "Can I solve?"

And yes, I am still sore that people make more money off what is essentially glorified hangman than they do knowing the proper spelling of their stupid senator's name.

Pick Em Week 9

2010-11-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

It's still a 3 horse race, but the herd will thin soon as more and more teams become ineligible. This week's slate of games features some pretty safe picks (NYG over SEA and GB over DAL), but the parity in the NFL is notorious. For example, even the Bills looked frisky last week. Can the get off of the snide this week?

Tanman: Raiders 49ers Browns Panthers Bills Lions Jaguars Vikings

Casey: Raiders Bills Panthers Lions 49ers Browns Cowboys Vikings

Karlin: Raiders Bills Bucs 49ers Broncos Browns Chargers Panthers

This Week in Techniques for Winning Ugly

2010-11-02T00:26:00.002-04:00

TWiTfWU dissects the Buffalo-Kansas City thriller. This time I am not being facetious in saying that this game was riveting, since it truly came down to the last second. However, some say that the journey is more important than the destination. I don't think that anyone would have signed up for this "journey," which lasted for 75 minutes, across two seasons of Lost, and through the midterm elections. Since a team's score is a monotonically increasing function, one might guess that the score of this expedition would be in the 75--71 type of range (or for those accustomed to watching the Big 12 South: 164--137). The baker's dozen of fans that survived this game without missing their annual dentist appointment will attest that the final tally was a mere 13--10. Over 700 yards of offense resulted in 2 touchdowns and 3 field goals. What's even worse is that there was only one turnover. I'm still not sure how both teams managed to march up and down the field, without turning the ball over, and still failed to score more than 24 points.

In spite of the concerted efforts from both teams to leave Arrowhead undefeated yesterday, fortune would not be so kind as to award a rare tie (don't tell Donovan McNabb about the even rarer double OT). Skipping right ahead to the extra frame, KC kicker Ryan Succop missed a sub-40 yard FG, a relative gimme in the NFL, due to swirling winds in the stadium. Bills kicker Ryan Lindell was able to make a 53 yarder in OT, but the Chiefs had called a timeout before the kick (obviously he missed the real try). Finally, the clock gods had mercy on us all and Succop celebrated by hitting a high draw through the uprights from 35 yards to steal the victory from the jaws of a tie.

Moral of the story: if you're going to play ugly, at least do it against the Bills, so you can still win.

Pick Em Week 8

2010-10-31T12:00:00.000-04:00

Another week and all 3 mavens are still standing. For the rest of us waiting on the sidelines, let's hope that the NFL provides some major upsets this week. For example, maybe Brett Favre will dress up as himself 3 retirements ago and play like it in a shocking W against Darth Vader and the Pats. Or maybe San Diego will remember that the most important stat IMHO (3rd most important in the eyes of John Madden) is point differential and knock off the other bearded wonder, Kerry Collins.

Tanman: Raiders 49ers Browns Panthers Bills Lions Jaguars

Casey: Raiders Bills Panthers Lions 49ers Browns Cowboys

Karlin: Raiders Bills Bucs 49ers Broncos Browns Chargers

Watch Dwight Howard do pushups in the background as punishment

2010-10-29T14:50:00.002-04:00

For missing yet another freakin' free throw:

This Week in Techniques for Winning Ugly

2010-10-25T13:00:00.005-04:00

TWiTfWU dissects the debacle that was the Redskins--Bears game this Sunday. Several experts have politely dubbed this "contest" the worst game of football ever played. As a scientist, I prefer to let the numbers speak for themselves, so here goes...

The two teams combined for 4-23 on 3rd down conversions, 6 INTS (2 for TDs), and 8 fumbles (3 lost). Some say that stats don't tell the whole story, but trying to pass these numbers off as anything resembling a respectable offensive performance is akin to trying to make a wookie sexy:

Fortunately for the Redskins, most games don't end in a tie (although Donovan McNabb didn't know that fun fact), regardless of the overall quality of play. In winning ugly this week they have created a blueprint for beating the Bears:
Punt the ball back to the Bears (on first down if necessary).
Blitz Jay Cutler.
Set up your blocking for a Pick-6.

Maybe the most telling example of the level of play in this game was that Bears LT Chris Williams could be called a veritable offensive juggernaut with 1 reception on 1 target for 4 yards.

Pick Em Week 7

2010-10-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

The NFC West turned out to be surprisingly adroit this past weekend as the Seahawks and Rams took down Steve and Cain. Tanman remains as the lone J41 representative in the running, but Casey knows how to spot a loser (must be all of that experience watching the Bills) and Karlin is still going strong with his beginner's luck. The pool of truly atrocious team to pick is rapidly shrinking, so choose wisely.

Tanman: Raiders 49ers Browns Panthers Bills Lions
Casey: Raiders Bills Panthers Lions 49ers Browns
Karlin: Raiders Bills Bucs 49ers Broncos Browns

This Week in Techniques for Winning Ugly

2010-10-22T16:14:00.004-04:00

As previously noted on this blog by Stanimal, probably the greatest coup in recorded history involves Lakers guard Sasha Vujacic wooing former tennis star and SI Swimsuit Issue model Maria Sharapova. While "The Machine" (Vujacic) may be, in the words of Stanimal, "unattractive, a dick, and a greasy long-haired European," he was able to make up for these minor character flaws and successfully proposed to Sharapova. My suspicion is that he got some advice in improving romantic relationships from teammate Kobe Bryant, since reports indicate that the ring he gave Sharapova required a small forklift to set.

(HT: TMZ)

Pick Em Week 6

2010-10-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

The number of people still standing is quite impressive given the carnage that occurred last weekend and the fact that over half of the teams in the NFL are within a half game of a .500 record. Unfortunately, Stanimal is not among those remaining as he astutely picked the defending champs to slash through the porous Cardinal defense. However, he didn't account for Arizona TDs scored by Kerry Rhodes (a safety), DRC (a corner), and Levi Brown (a left tackle). In retrospect, it seems pretty obvious that the Cardinals would score 30 points without a rushing or passing TD, so I'm not sure why Stan decided to overlook this in his analysis.

Now for those that remain, this week's slate of games has some low-hanging fruit. The Browns travel to Condiment Collisseum to take on the mighty Steelers. The Steelers were able to start 3-1 without any QB to speak of, and they find themselves blessed with the return of Big Ben, fresh off his release from Roger Goddell's dunce corner. Not only will the Browns have to fend off Ben's advances on the field, but they should probably be wary in the bathroom as well.

Steve: Raiders 49ers Bills Panthers Chiefs
Tanman: Raiders 49ers Browns Panthers Bills
Casey: Raiders Bills Panthers Lions 49ers
Cain: Raiders Bills Lions Panthers Browns
Karlin: Raiders Bills Bucs 49ers Broncos

THE BSS REPORT

Pick Em Week 19

Pick Em Week 18

Pick Em Week 17

Pick Em Week 16

Pick Em Week 15

Pick Em Week 14

Pick Em Week 13

Pick Em Week 12

Pick Em Week 11: A New Season Begins!

Pick Em Week 10

Pick Em Week 9

Week 8 Pick Em

Pick Em Week 7

Pick Em Week 6

Pick Em Week 5

Pick Em Week 4

Pick Em Week 3

Pick Em Week 2

So You Think You Can Dance Mike Tolbert?

Pick Em Week 1

Your entire offensive line sucks, TCU

NFL Preview

NBA Playbook: Post Player Rankings

Field of Dreams 2: NFL Lockout

Friday Afternoon Mini-Playlist

You trippin'

Friday, Friday

Poker Sites Under Fire

Trick Shot Doc

Man Spends 20 Years Looking For The Perfect Wave, Finds It, Kinda

Happy April 2nd!

Qatar's cooling clouds for the World Cup

I'm going to take your dunk home and feed it to my dog

How do we know Shawn Bradley sucked?

Lyrical smackdown of the week

Friday, Friday

Three Cheers for people named Stan!

#Libya

Knicks land Carmelo

Fun offseason football challenges

"Why would Aaron Rodgers want a car? He can't put that around his waist."

Pick Em Super Bowl Round

DeSean Jackson, heartwarming story of the day

It's my birthday, I can do what I want

Pick Em Championship Round

NYT: Video Games Less Fun Than Advertised, Especially FIFA 2011

A bonus point for a legit apology

So this is how Andy Reid learned to train quarterbacks

Pick Em Divisional Round

So many feet

It's been a good week for Buffalo cast-off running backs

Pick Em Wildcard Round

It's Friday Afternoon Music Video Time

The Miami Heatles

Tiger Woods now looks like a yellow flag

Best 2010 Sports GIFs

Women Laughing Alone with Salad [is not sexy]

Blake Griffin Throws Down (Again)

Hero Fold

Meet Joe Webb

Pick Em Week 16

Some Christmas music featuring Blake Lively and Jessica Alba

Just In Time

D-Wade Wants a Trade

Touchdown Eagles

Pick Em Week 15

The Dolphin is down! The Dolphin is DOWN

Your Thursday Swimsuit Update

OH SHIT Active Camo

No reason, except it's finals

Pick Em Week 14

Pick Em Week 13

Top 10 NFL postgame rants

Kim Kardashian, meet The Hump

Posterized!

Wale - Mike Tomlin [Theme Song]

This Week in Techniques for Beating the Tar Out of Cortland Finnegan

Andre Johnson Proves To Everyone That He's Bigger, Stronger, More of a Man Than That Pesky Cornerback On The Other Team

Turkey Week Edition of Pick Em